Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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