I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
