Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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