let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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