I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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