My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
