Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
