I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
don't judge my taste in strippers
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
