just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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