In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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