Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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