There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
