You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize