You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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