Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
