i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
