She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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