Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
