i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
