bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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