That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
