just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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