we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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