We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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