you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
