i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
