New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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