I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
