My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
