I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You ruined the universe
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
