dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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