3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
