i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
