why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
