you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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