I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
