You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Less talking, more tequila
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
