I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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