Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
not ubering you a puppy
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
