Plan B is the new Plan A
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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