I seem to have left my pride at pride
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
and you fell through a lawn chair
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
