I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The uberlube is also flammable
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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