my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
that is very illegal...i love you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
