Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
