i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
