the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize