I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
