When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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