If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize