hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
