you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
