Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
