I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
