i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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