yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
