Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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