You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
