Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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