I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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