k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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