I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
