the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
BRING THE BAGELS
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
