My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
