i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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