when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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