dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
