no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize