She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
