We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
