Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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