Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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