Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
