god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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