Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
