So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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