About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
